Skip Ad (Nauseam)

My recent free-spree from social media had been going really well right up until yesterday when I tried to pat myself on the back for dealing with my Twitter addiction so successfully then realised I couldn’t because my hands were so busy gripping my phone,  facilitating my new addiction to YouTube.

In my defence, can I bring your attention to jiggly cakes, the captivating beauty of Fresian horses, Alexa Chung learning how to dress more Frenchly and watercolour artist Lena Gemzoe blowing my mind with her ability to turn smears of paint into a piece of art I would like to step into and set up a whole new life?

I will do better.

I WILL DO BETTER.

fullsizeoutput_2fd3
A rare moment off YouTube, afternoon walk up Calton Hill to share a winter-spiced coffee with the pooch and nosey down at the new shopping mall in progress where a henge of cranes worship daily and nightly, making the most of their ephemeral moment in the Edinburgh skyline. 

Inbetween YouTube sprints, DIY this week has been all about our bedroom now the en-suite’s had a budget glow up. It’s kind of stupid to work on the bedroom at the moment as next year we’ll be adding a walk-in wardrobe, removing two built-in wardrobes (with ludicrously inaccessible space configurations) and losing a corner of the room to make a downstairs loo accessed from the hallway. It’ll be the last of the building work we’ll do in the house and it’s pretty pivotal to completing the new layout in a way that feels intuitive while also making the most of as many original features as possible.  So, lots of dust to come but the room’s in such a tired and mildly depressing state meantime I’ve decreed interim fixes are justified and I’ve started with filling in plaster cracks along the edges of the ceiling and skirting boards and preparing the ceiling and walls for two licks each of paint. There’s a lovely built-in shelved recess next to my side of the bed too which we primed a few years ago to get rid of a horrible wood stain finish and I can bring that to glory now as it’s well clear of the two sides of the room that’ll be completely changed. Just like when I repainted the hall a couple of months ago, I’m working on the bedroom one wall at a time; it’s more set-up and clean-up in the long run but short-term it cuts down disruption and allows for the ebb and flow of available time and that feels good for how we live right now.

fullsizeoutput_2fc6
Samples tried for the en-suite. Loved them all, ended up sticking to two greys and one dark green.

The next big tick off the things-to-do-in-the-house-makeover-list will be fitting the engineered oak flooring in the porch, kitchen and hallway. The boards arrive in about ten days, we managed to get the ones we were after with 50% off last month so I am beyond excited to see, stroke and smell them after all the years of saving, fantasising and not being very patient at all. I can’t quite believe we’re shortly going to be looking down on actual flooring rather than the patchwork of subfloors, carpet trimmings and rugs. Aesthetics aside, best of all will be the reduction in dust from the generous crawl space under the house which, thanks to essential ventilation panels, pumps miniscule historic debris into the house every time there’s a draught outside (and hello, it’s Edinburgh, there’s a draught outside twenty-three hours out of every twenty-four).

We’ve never laid flooring before so have been swotting up (on YouTube, natch) and bending joiner’s ears whenever we can about the tricks of the trade. We’ll start at the easiest section – the porch, then move into the kitchen and finish in the hallway with all it’s doorway challenges and half-hexagonal shape. That’s the plan anyway. If I’m no longer married in summer 2020 you’ll know the new flooring teamwork challenge was a push of optimism too far.

I usually listen to podcasts while DIYing but, again challenging my phone and 24/7 information addiction, I’ve been hitting Spotify hard for music only instead of podcasts and letting it do its rando playlist thing. I’m enjoying how that’s a source of stories from my imagination and memories that feel helpful and curious rather than heavy. I even walked home from the Post Office the other day listening to the soundtrack for a Broadway musical and trying to guess what it was – Groundhog Day, turns out, who knew? I hated the movie but the musical lyrics made me laugh and imagine all sorts.

fullsizeoutput_2fd4
Look what happens when I put down my phone/keyboard. I’m going to try a huge board before the end of the year too.

Workwise I’ve been contributing to the amazing WomenBeing network’s next step which is a magazine teaming with international content and grass-roots energy as well as being a love letter to practised feminism everywhere. Editing and reading the magazine pieces in advance of publishing has been a privilege that’s made me feel so much more connected to women around the world, reinvigorating my belief that change for the better is happening faster than we think, and that for many likeminded people feminism is a whole-life, whole-behaviour philosophy and even if we don’t get to be around each other every day, we’re connected in our intentions and deep efforts. As well as checking out WomenBeing, there’s brilliant stuff on related issues here on Gender and the Economy here, too. Well worth a read, especially if you, like me, are close to death by boredom in conversations about quotas with people who are change-resistant and stuck on repeat about what they don’t want to do because they’re comfy rather than changing the topic to working out how to make things comfy for everyone.

I’m lacking motivation for chasing and developing my own new writing stuff right now. I think this is a downside of not being on Twitter; I used to gather good momentum from watching what other people were saying or doing, chipping in and enjoying the energy and validation/challenge. The lack of all that has rather left me with my own ever-quietening echo which, creatively speaking, isn’t helpful for how I build up ideas of what’s next. The motivation problem is weighted by the fact my novel isn’t getting any bites from publishers or agents too, and the fact that I currently feel pretty meh about the Edinburgh literary scene generally, having seen a totally mind-boggling amount of weirdness in it during the last eighteen months. I have the feeling something’s brewing inside me though in terms of new material, and that I just have to let that develop and see what pops out one day. Meantime, there’s editing and painting and flooring and walking with the beautiful black dog. And maybe the odd bit of jiggly cake porn.

fullsizeoutput_2fcf
Otto, less of a dog, more of a lifestyle.

52and40/40 No Brief Candle

Burning out and burning bright, my family’s in a Change Rocket, hurtling through spacetime, much outside too blurred to see.

I’ve known for years that when the kids started talking futures I’d have to already be in my next chapter, lest I helicopter-parent or self-destruct.

I’ve also seen as the kids mature they need, more than ever, emergency contacts ready for triage as well as strategy.  Sometimes that’s rotated over weeks.  Other times, it’s all in one afternoon.

The current combination’s a tall order.  It’s temporary, too.  Calm will follow.

Memories, too.

IMG_1556IMG_1665IMG_1779IMG_1814

52and40snip

IMG_1625IMG_1732

IMG_1541

Read more about #52and40 here

SaveSave

52and40/38 Habit Forming

r6wnfkYySJycfZBFULbvBA

I read thirteen books this year.  I’m happy about re-establishing reading after years of total drought.  Some say it takes twenty-one days to form a habit.  It’s taken me nearer twenty one months.  At first my concentration was so poor I had to read every paragraph repeatedly, forcing myself to put down my phone for twenty minutes at a time.  Then, slowly, I began relishing phone dumping; books morphing into pacifier and portal; a way to slow down time and accelerate perspectives.

How long does it take you to make a change?

rJ0f79tVSYG4dcPR8uJrWA52and40snip

fullsizeoutput_1bdc

More about the malarky that is #52and40 here

SaveSave

52and40/34 Passing Place

My nephew moved in with us a few months ago, all the way from a Pyrenean idyll in the south of France.  It’s really interesting seeing someone discover Edinburgh, it reminds me of all the compromises we’ve made along the way as well as the rewards of the move.  It’s also interesting living with a ‘new’ person full-time.  It holds a mirror up to everyone’s personalities and quirks and asks whether you’ll each change or grow the things about yourself that are suddenly more visible.  Mostly, it feels like an excellent challenge.

e0ZCL+iUQCOs4nHR68N8HA.jpg

fullsizeoutput_1a58.jpeg

52and40/32 The Unforgivable

IMG_4501IMG_4116 2

Combine science with a down-home accent, first class storytelling and an appetite for progress and I’m more invested than a Tory parent at an Oxbridge open day.  Professor Brene’ Brown has captivated me in recent years with her research and analysis of human experience and how we might use it better for health, relationships and global good.  Needless to say I’ve got her new book and will be spending a significant portion of the future with my face in it, smiling and no doubt squirming about what I need to change.

Ace.

IMG_4159 2IMG_4171IMG_4486 252and40-1IMG_4502IMG_4525 2

52and40/31 On The Fringes

IMG_2475

I loved this year’s Edinburgh Festival & Fringe.  It felt like mine as well as everyone else’s, for the first time.  My annual bout of imposter syndrome somehow didn’t arrive.   As my kids start to think of futures outside the city I’ve grown in mindfulness of what we have while we’re here because, as an accidental rolling stone, the sense that change is doing warm-up stretches is a twinkle in my eye.  The idea that I’ll return one day to the fringe as a tourist, sparking with happy memories, is fuel and shelter.

IMG_3653IMG_4083IMG_4159 252and40-1IMG_4181 2

IMG_4160

52and40/30 True Colours

I’ve found so much in the Pentlands since moving to Edinburgh.  Beauty and calm, mostly.  Birds.  Space to walk and run out problems, too.  Places to be with the kids, to eat and talk.  The city’s wonderful but if I didn’t have something opposite to frame it, I’d appreciate it much less.

One 2016 day I found the remnants of a Nazi Training Camp in the Pentlands.  My intuition had told me something wasn’t right, I didn’t realise exactly what till I saw this, two weeks later.

Take nothing for granted, I guess.

52and40-1